When Boundaries Are Crossed: What Schools Can Do to Protect Students

School principal to Human Resources: “I just got off the phone with a parent. He found some disturbing emails in his daughter’s account.”

That phone call marked the beginning of a deeply troubling investigation. As the district administrator overseeing human resources, I oversaw weeks of interviews, evidence collection, and ultimately, the termination of a teacher. The case centered around 1,300 emails exchanged between a 6^th grade teacher and his female student—raising serious concerns about professional boundaries and student safety.

Thankfully, the discovery of these emails prevented further escalation. But what lingered with me most were the interviews with students and staff. Their comments revealed a pattern of favoritism and boundary-crossing behaviors that had gone unreported:

• “Oh yeah, she is his favorite.” – student
• “She’s the only one that he lets sit at his desk.” – student
• “She’s the only one allowed into the classroom before the bell.” – student
• “She always gets picked for special jobs.” – student
• “I did notice she regularly stayed after school with him.” – staff member
• “I heard rumors they were spending a lot of time together.” – staff member

Clearly, many had seen or heard things that could have raised red flags, but no one thought it serious enough to report. This is a common pattern. Educator sexual misconduct researcher, Charol Shakeshaft, explains “In most every case that I’ve studied — and I’ve studied hundreds — people see something going on. They don’t know exactly what it is… What they don’t do is report.” (Kappan Online, 2025)

One reason these behaviors often go unreported is the misconception that abusers fit a specific profile. Billie-Jo Grant, CEO and lead trainer for the McGrath Response System™, explains that most offenders are not a “creepy guy in a trench coat.” Instead, they may be “respected teachers or coaches who groom not only the student, but the entire community”—making their actions appear helpful or well-intentioned. They may be narcissistic or self-focused, but if there is resistance—if there are barriers—if someone is watching and reporting—they are less likely to act.

This insight offers a powerful strategy for prevention: schools must create resistance and build barriers that help prevent boundary-crossing behaviors. Here are research-aligned guardrails that can help:

• Codify Boundaries: Establish clear policies for interactions, transportation, gifts, communication and social media. Train staff, students and caregivers to build awareness and set expectations.
• Leadership Messaging: Ensure leaders clearly communicate a “we don’t tolerate grooming and sexual abuse here” message. Speak as if grooming and sexual abuse could happen and don't pretend that it won't—strong messaging can deter potential abusers.
• Enforce Accountability: Go beyond just written policies—apply them consistently. Avoid “he’s a good guy” exceptions and hold everyone to high standards.
• Design for Visibility: Use space and scheduling to reduce isolation. Implement features like doors with uncovered windows, sign-in/out systems, two-adult supervision norms and common meeting areas.
• Strengthen Reporting Systems: Appoint a single investigator, offer multiple reporting paths (including anonymous options), and ensure every report is documented and followed up.
• Enhance Hiring Practices: Look beyond background checks. Inquire about resignations related to investigations and seek references outside those provided.
• Train to Recognize Boundary-Crossing: Use scenario-based training to help the school community identify inappropriate behaviors masked as support.

Ultimately, prevention requires a proactive culture—one where boundary-crossing behaviors are recognized, reported, investigated, documented and addressed. Implementing proactive barriers and increasing awareness can create safer school environments for students. The responsibility lies with all of us to notice, speak up and act.